I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
