was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
