i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
