the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
