i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
