Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
