Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
