ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How external is "for external use only"?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
