she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's like heaven, but drunker
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
