three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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