THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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