they need to just BURY HIM!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
