ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
