I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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