Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sext me about skeletons
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
