drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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