what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
