If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
