Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
