i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
