were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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