Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
