Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You pole danced in your parka.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
