I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
