i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He has the fingertips of a God
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