Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
