And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
