I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
