Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
