capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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