She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
