Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
