he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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