i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
