I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
