You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
