How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
