White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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