i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
