you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
