You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
