FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
