I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
