Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
