So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
