im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
