I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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