You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
