I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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