you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
