....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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